The idea of going back to work almost brings me to tears. I know we need it and it would be selfish of me to try to convince Dustin to let me stay home but I don't want to leave her every day. What if her first giggle happens with a baby sitter? Or when she rolls over for the first time? Or crawls? Just thinking about missing so much makes me so sad. I never thought before just how much one little person could change my whole view. I never thought I'd be the kind of girl to want to stay home with the baby while ny husband brings home the bacon but I want that!
I'm afraid that when I go back, I'll become depressed. I know I'll be sad all throughout my first shift and possibly more. I don't want my daughter to see her mother as the sad, shell of a woman I know I could become. And of course, if I bring this up to Dustin, I'm selfish. I know I am.
God I'm terrible.
