When they both fall asleep is about the time that my brain decides that I'm too happy and it wants to bring me down a couple pegs. I get really sad for absolutely no reason and it's baffling. It makes me wonder if I've got slight PPD or something. I miss my old life. I miss the apartment and I miss my best friends. We barely speak anymore when at one point, we used to talk everyday. I miss that one summer that Kaitlin and I (plus two losers) hung out every night. I think we went skinny dipping like at least 4 times. I miss not having any responsibility. I miss drinking and getting high and a little bit, I miss smoking. I miss not caring about my health. I love my husband and I can't imagine my life now without my daughter but I really miss who I used to be and I can feel that familiar tug inside of me that wants to run away and not look back. I want to pack up everything and move to Chicago. I want to drive and not stop until I reach the west coast. I wish I could just go.
Now, however, he has a manager job and it seems like more and more things are sinking their claws into me, anchoring me here. A part of me wishes I'd left when I had the chance because I'm not sure I'll get another now.
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