Warning: sadness

Woo second blog post! Movin on up in the world and stuff. So, I was reading through my friend's (let's call her Diana Prince...that's Wonder Woman btw) blog at all of her lyrics and she made me want to try to write a song. It was terrible. Moving on, writing it made me want to talk about the incident that I wrote about.

Most of my friends never knew Lily and… she was one of my best friends in middle school. I purposefully kept her a secret from my parents because it felt nice having her all to myself. She was fine with it because she wasn’t good with people even though she was the funniest person I had ever known. If there is one person out there who was exactly like me as I am now, it was her. If she had stayed in Indiana, she would’ve gone to North instead of South and I might’ve gone with her. She was my soul’s other half. She knew every single thing about me that anyone could know. I remember nights when she would drive over, park her truck down the road so my parents wouldn’t hear it and we walk for miles and hours with nowhere to go. That park by that church that I used to walk to all the time was where we would go when we just felt like going somewhere to sit. When I think of the day she left, it brings tears to my eyes. She had been abused by her father and finally, her grandparents adopted her and took her to Illinois. She was so happy to go live with her grandma, Karen, because she was the only family member that stood up to Lily’s father. It was the best thing for her and although I didn’t want her to be so far away, I knew it was for the best. She came over the night before she was to leave and tumbled through my window onto my bed, her laughter echoing off my walls. She laid there for hours with her feet sticking out of the window, staring at the unicorn banner that was on my ceiling, talking about Karen’s plan for her bedroom. We made plans for me to come visit during the summer, whole summers at a time. The night progressed and at one point, she admits to me that she was in love with me. It was a shock to my system. She had never even told me she liked girls. Maybe she thought I would judge her or something, I’m not sure. After her confession, she tried to kiss me and I pushed her away. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I freaked. She left; I fell asleep with my head spinning with all the thoughts of the evening. I was a coward and didn’t go see her off the next day. To this day, I am ashamed of how I acted. After a few days, she called me and I apologized. We were fine. There was a girl in her neighborhood, Kristina, who was really nice and pretty. They hit it off. Within a few months, they were hanging out every night. All the nights we had spent together were being duplicated a state away with someone else but I didn’t care because she was happy and that was all that mattered.

That fateful night, she snuck out of her grandparents’ house to go driving around with Kristina, her feet propped up on the dashboard. That was the first night they kissed. With love in their hearts, they cruised around town, carefree and talking about the future. The light turned green, they started across the intersection. That’s when another guy hit the side of the car Lily was sitting on. She was killed instantly. Kristina was hospitalized for several days and almost didn’t make it. The man had been drinking and I suppose didn’t see that the light was red or something. If they had left a little bit later, had spent more time in one of the many stops they had, they might’ve avoided this altogether.

I still remember getting that call at 4 in the morning from Karen. When I first saw the number, I thought it was Lily calling to tell me something exciting. I answered with a smile that quickly fell when I heard weeping on the other end. I could barely make out the words through the sobs, “Samantha, there’s been an accident. Something’s happened to Lily.” Since that day, I’m not sure I’ve felt grief that tangible.

I just logged onto Myspace so that I could view her profile. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost 4 years since it happened. My brain just can’t seem to handle that. I wish I could visit her grave. I never go to Illinois though and when I do, it’s on the opposite side of the state. Kristina used to email me all the time but she doesn’t really anymore. I just…can’t fathom it still. It’s still unbelievable to me that someone that vibrant, that alive could just be gone.

R.I.P. Lily =(